When Your Child is Bullied (Beware the Mama Bear)

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it seems like the weekend will never get here, and then when it does, you're busier during the weekend than the week.  This was one of those weeks.  Thursday was parent-teacher conferences.  Two hours and multiple teachers later (remember I have four kids and a lot of teachers) I survived.  Friday was senior night for my son's final home basketball game of his life.  I sadly walked him onto the court and watched him play a great game.  I left to bake and decorate a two-tiered wedding cake for a couple being married in our church on Saturday.  Then Saturday, we decorated the church, did the wedding, and then did 6 loads of laundry.  That brings me to today.  While at church, one of the boys who attends our church was upset.  When I came to see what happened, I found out he had been bullied by a teenager.  We talked with the teenager, got an apology, and continued with Sunday School, but this got me thinking.  So I took that moment to speak with the kids in children's Sunday School.  My oldest son was in the class helping me and gave me permission to share with the students.  So I shared that when Trenton was much younger, he was one of the smaller kids in his grade (I know that you might find that hard to believe from the picture of the 6'6" kid above).  He got picked on a lot.  At one point, an older and bigger boy was telling a story which Trenton interrupted to question the validity of the story.  The boy, in turn, picked him up and threw him in a trash can at school.  Now, mama bear wanted to come down to the school, pick up the kid, and put him in a trash can.  Don't tell me you wouldn't think that too!  But I prayed.  The boy was suspended for three days and life went on.  Or so I thought.  I noticed for several years following that my son was getting angrier and angrier.  At one point, I caught him bullying a smaller kid.  When I mentioned to Trenton about the trash can incident in front of this kid, he grew furious.  I drove him home, and we sat in the car.  I asked why he was so angry, and he said it was because I mentioned the trash can incident.  Then it hit me.  He acted like it was fine, but it wasn't.  I told him that just because he was thrown in a trash can did not make him worthless- trash.  We spoke for some time, and he finally recognized the truth was he was worth something.  Imagine.  This talented, smart kid thought he had no value because of something someone did years before.  So I shared the story about my son this morning, and we talked about the two things that happen during bullying.  People feel embarrassed, helpless, and insecure, so they strike out and become bullies themselves.  Or they take that hurt and hide it deep inside.  The feelings of insecurity grow to where they hate themselves and, in that feeling of worthlessness, they hurt themselves through cutting, eating disorders, and at it's worst suicide.  Neither of these options were good.  I asked the young man why he thought the teenager had bullied him that morning.  He said he didn't know.  Then I mentioned that teenager was picked on a lot at school because of some acne he had.  That morning someone thought they were joking with him and said something about his looks.  They didn't mean to bully him, but he wasn't laughing.  He, then went out and picked on our young man.  Bullying can breed bullying.  Everyone has had a morning when things pile up, you feel overwhelmed, and then you snap.  You yell at your husband, kids, which then leads to them yelling at someone.  Pretty soon the whole family resembles a house full of bears.  So how do we deal with bullying without becoming one ourselves.  First, when you are being attacked, do not accept the lie that you are worthless.  Christ values you enough that He died on a cross for you, so you could have an eternity in Heaven with Him.  We devalue that sacrifice when we accept the lie that we are worthless.  God cares about us.  Second, we need to understand that usually people who bully are feeling extremely insecure or helpless and strike out to gain power.  Do you let them hurt you?  No!  You go to the powers that be and report.  Your safety is important!  But you also realize that what they are saying isn't about you.  It is about their insecurity.  So you don't have to believe what they say.  You can reject it and tell yourself the truth.  Remember, the truth sets you free. So what is the truth?  1. I am important to God.  2. I am not trash.  3. Even if I was the only one on the earth, Jesus would have died for me.  4. I am worth something.  When we begin to tell ourselves the truth, those lies become powerless.  If your child, friend, or you are being bullied, share these truths.  It could change the way someone sees themselves, and it will keep us from becoming a pack of bears!  Have a great week high-heeled warriors!