Twenty-One Years of Marriage...Want to Know How to Make It This Long?

My husband and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary this week!  In today's throw-away society, that's a long time. Many have asked me how do you stay together that long, so let me tell you a little story about celebrating our anniversary this week.  Because I'm a teacher, I returned to work last week.  My husband decided to bring me lunch and eat with me.  So he walked in with Wendy's burgers, and we sat down with our knees in our chins (I teach little kids, thus little chairs).  As I ate the hamburger he brought, I picked the pickles off the burger (Yuck!).  He proudly placed a cupcake box in front of me.  He said, "I bought you your favorite cupcake- salted caramel!"  Now you may be thinking, that is so romantic.  What you don't know is that I HATE salted caramel.  Nestled next to the salted caramel was a beautiful and lovely Reeses' Peanut Butter cupcake.  That one was my favorite, and he bought it all for him! GRRRR.  So I looked longingly at the peanut butter deliciousness and then dejectedly at my cupcake sparkling with salt.  Then I might have mumbled, "We've been married how long now?  Don't you know what I like?"  In his defense, he mentioned that when I visit Arby's Restaurant, I order the salted caramel chocolate chip cookie.  I informed him that I ordered that because it was the only item with chocolate they had when we visited.  You may think this encounter is not important, but for any just-married couples or young couples, let me elaborate.  After seeing my disappointment, my husband reached in and took out the salted caramel cupcake leaving me the peanut butter cupcake that was his favorite.  Marriage is about putting others first.  My husband loves Weird Al Yankovic.  Me, not as much.  For our ten year anniversary, we went to his concert at the fairgrounds in Springfield.  So for our 21st anniversary, we went to another of his concerts back in Springfield.  I may not love Weird Al, but I love my husband.  Part of love is being willing to put others ahead of your own likes and dislikes without resentment.  This means that both have to be willing to compromise.  Now, don't think that we spend our whole time saying, "You first.  No, you first."  But the key is that we actually value the other's ideas and opinions.   My favorite is when my husband asks where I want to eat.  I'll respond, "I don't know.  You decide."  He'll offer Chinese.  "No, I don't feel like Chinese."  "Okay, how about Mexican?"  "No, not that."  "Well, what do you want?"  "I don't know.  You pick."  You guys out there can probably relate to this.  Even when my opinion is rather odd, my husband has been great at respecting it.  He may not agree, but he listens.  My favorite story is about a couple that attended our church.  They celebrated fifty years of marriage before she died.  He was telling us a story about her.  Every morning she would get up and make him oatmeal and then sit and eat oatmeal with him.  When they were older and moved near their children, she finally told him that she hated oatmeal.  He asked, "Why have you eaten for the last fifty years if you hate oatmeal?"  She responded, "I hate oatmeal, but I love you and sitting with you each morning."  So, how do you keep a marriage alive?  The Three C's:  Commitment...there will be times that I don't like my husband, but love is about being there even when everything isn't perfect.  Compromise...Marriage is give and take.  If I love the other person, I need to not just be a taker, but a giver.  Compassion...Compassion is concern for others suffering.  I need to be sensitive enough to recognize when my husband hurts and loving enough to listen and respond.  I hope that I can be like the couple married for fifty years saying, "I may not like everything he does, but what's a little salted caramel cupcake if I love him!"

Have a great week high-heeled warriors!