Changing the Toilet Paper Roll...What Is Love?

I celebrated my twenty-second anniversary on Friday.  It's funny how much has changed in twenty-two years.  When we were first married, it was like that sappy, gooey kind of love.  You know the kind.  It's when you see that couple that can't stop canoodling.   They finish each other's sentences.  They are cute, but you feel slightly affected by sugar overload in their company.  My husband and I were in that category.  Twenty-two years later, we still love each other, but there is something about the kind of love that has endured ups and downs together.  It's a love that stays up together taking care of a fevered child or washing sheets until early morning because all of your children got the stomach bug at the same time.  Through the years, my husband and I have bonded over being young and broke and paying for our midnight Taco Bell run in pennies, nickels, and dimes because that's all we had to spare.  We've bonded over having to learn to blend two totally different personalities together as we argued over the proper way to make a sandwich.  As our lives have gone through heartache and storms, the silly arguments pale to the commitment that says we are here for each other through good and bad.  As we prayed at night that my daughter would survive her brain surgery, as we waved goodbye to my oldest son when he left for college, and as we thought about the future when it is not filled with ballgames, recitals, homework, and children, it really brought us to this thought.  Has our love matured?  It is easy to get so caught up in life as parents or working jobs that you never allow the love between husband and wife to grow from shallow to deep.  If love remains shallow, then when all the distractions/complexities of life disappear, and it's just husband and wife, the couples realize they don't even know each other anymore.  It's not a matter of falling out of love.  It's a matter of never growing it to maturity in the first place.  My husband does things that drive me nuts.  He leaves dirty dishes in the sink next to an empty dishwasher (not tonight-thank you!!), leaves dirty socks under the dining room table, and here's the biggie, doesn't change the toilet paper roll.  There is the full roll sitting on top of an empty holder.  Does this mean that our marriage isn't as good as when we first married?  Absolutely not!  It means that  marriage needs an infatuated love when you first get married.  The person does no wrong.  The infatuation helps to bond the couple.  But love was never meant be sustained by infatuation.  One of the ways that you can tell good carpentry is how it stands the test of time.  It may be battered and aged, but it holds together as well as when first made.  Some carpentry may look beautiful, but because the carpenter never invested in good wood or careful craftsmanship, it still can be shaken and fall apart over time.  Which marriage are you?  Do you invest the time needed to maintain that relationship even when times are busy?  I have older friends that have 10 grown children.  Their children are grown now, but there marriage is as strong as the day they first married.  Why?  They built a good foundation.  They never missed a date night each week.  The date may have been going to the grocery store or getting a coffee, but they made sure they knew each other.  They maintained and cultivated their relationship.  This was my role model.  So my husband and I find ourselves on a date to Sonic for a soda on the way home from a school function or holding hands as we walk the aisles of Walmart.  It's not what we do.  It's the fact that we take the time to know each other, so that when hard times come, we are committed.  So as we celebrate our twenty-second wedding anniversary, I am thankful that our love has bypassed infatuation and become an honest, committed, mature love.  And I look forward to spending a lot more time getting to know my wonderful husband.

Have a great week  high-heeled warriors!