My husband and I are entering into our 24th year of marriage! In today's society, that's a long time. During this time, I've learned a lot.
One thing I have noticed is that arguments between a newlywed couple and a couple married a long time are not the same. Newlyweds- "
I love you more. No, I love you more." This could go on forever, or at least until the end of the honeymoon.
My honeymoon period ended a little earlier when I threw the tennis racket at my husband's head when he beat me in a game of tennis. He hasn't played tennis with me since. What can I say? The ball was in. After a year or two, the arguments evolve.
You are now adjusting your life to allow another person's ideas and ways of thinking into your life. I remember getting into an argument our first year of marriage over the way he cooked a hamburger- which was wrong! I stood in shock as I watched him add 2 inches of water to the hamburger patties in the pan.
I had never seen anyone boil burgers before. He still stands on the idea that it makes a juicer burger, but I just can't.
As we added children to our marriage mix, the arguments evolved again. We were no longer arguing over how to make a sandwich or wash laundry.
Now, it was over how to discipline and raise our children. Now, you have two people from very different backgrounds and methods of parenting coming together to parent. I need to tell you that people from northern states parent way different than people from southern states.
When I got in trouble, which wasn't often because I was the good kid- hee hee, I had to go into my front yard and pick a switch from the tree. For those not from the South, a switch is a thin branch off of a tree. Your parent uses it to spank you. My brother had it all worked out. He would pick an old branch and then bend it until when my mother spanked him with it, it broke. He would fake cry, and it was over. I was not as devious. I would pick a thin, small one thinking that it wouldn't hurt as bad. I had not had physics yet. This green switch would sting like you wouldn't believe.
These are southern parenting memories. I rarely got in trouble because the switch tree was not for me. I could have made a bumper sticker out of that to encourage following the law.
My husband was also spanked by a wooden spoon or put on restriction. I asked, "you went to court or got suspended from school?" His response was that his parents restricted him from doing things.
So then, we got in an argument over the terminology of restriction versus grounding. I still stand by the term, "grounding" as being correct. My husband was a military child, so he traveled a lot in childhood. This makes him great at making new friends, but he also floats from one activity to another a lot. I grew up in the same town my whole life and went to the same school until I graduated. I brought stability and sticking with something, even though it was a limited number of activities.
It was only after many years of marriage that we began to influence each other. We brought balance. I started trying new things. Now, I love just about every ethnic food out there, especially Indian food. My husband finishes things. I may need to verbally remind him, write reminders in his planner, post notes around the house, and sing songs about my honey-dos, but he finishes.
Our children have become a lovely mix of adventurous, but also committed. Now, as our children slowly leave the nest, our arguments are evolving once again. I think the other night, we got in an argument over who forgot to turn on the dishwasher. We argue over who is following their diet better. I watched him barbecue for a party. A friend warned him that he was brave to cook so close to the house, and he laughed. I mentioned maybe moving the grill. He didn't. Suddenly, I see my husband sprinting around the house, grabbing our water hose. Keep in mind his sprint looks like slow-motion.
As he turned the corner of the house, the hose caught on the house pulling my husband down. It was the slowest fall and roll I have ever seen. He dragged himself up and put out the fire of the small pile of leaves next to our house. Only a little bit of the siding was burnt, and he was fine. I responded like a woman married for 24 years.
I asked if he was okay while laughing so hard I thought my side would hurt. He told me the other day that he loves me as much now as when I was thin. Then he stopped suddenly and said, "thinner, I meant thinner!" Nice save. What is the point?
Marriage evolves a person. Spending time allows you to really get to know someone. You learn to laugh with them and cry through the hard times together. You open your limited knowledge to allow others to expand your thinking and your heart. You learn to forgive and say I"m sorry. I watched a young couple in front of a restaurant. They were posing for a selfie. After five or six poses of smiling, touching, and holding each other, the minute the camera turned off, they stopped smiling and moved far away from each other. They never touched again.
Marriage and relationship is not about finding someone who looks good in a selfie or makes you look good. It is not about finding someone who always agrees with you, or you will never grow. It is not about only a physical relationship because it will decrease eventually.
Marriage is about finding someone that you want to connect with forever. It is about someone that can challenge you in good ways.
It is about choosing to love and forgive on a daily basis. Some days, forgiving is a choice, not automatic. Marriage is about helping your mate grow emotionally and spiritually.
Ladies, men need to feel wanted, have a purpose, and have friends. Men, women need to feel heard, appreciated, and adored. When these components aren't there, they question their value and sometimes struggle with the temptations the world throws at them from every angle. Television certainly does not promote healthy, monogamous marriages.
So as I enter year number 24, I want to tell my husband, "I love you more. No, I love youuuu more!" Happy Anniversary!
Have a great week high-heeled warriors!
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